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Sunday 15 March 2009

The Swaggest - Short Part I

I did this for the lol's.
I think it's HIIIIIIIIIIII-LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOUSSSS
I'm gonna start doing this on strangers.


BUT YOU'RE SWAG - SHUT UP!

The Swaggest Type of Food

Food. Food. Oh Magical Food.
The More You Eat. The More You...Poo?
But really, Fish is the swaggest type of food.
EVER INVENTED!
[I know fish wasn't invented but I said it for dramatic effect]
By the end of this blog, you WILL agree with me.

Anyway. I'ma tell the story in a....POEM!

Its Thursday night.
The fridge is empty.
My stomach is
Rumbling plenty.
There's food cooking
But it's fish
If it ain't got chicken
Then it ain't a dish.
Three pound ninety
Thats all I need
To get myself
Gourmet Chinese
Hop in Redrum
Get to the buffet
"Large takeaway box" is all I say.

/Poem. [End poem for you non-computer literate]

Ok. Them HUNGRYYYY times. CHinese was calling me.
All that was on fire was fish. And this is why I was NOT eating it, no matter what happened[Spoken in true family guy fashion. You'll see...]:



Bare chicken in my box, who the heck needs noodles?!

The Swaggest....I Just Dont Know!?

14th March 2009. Roughly 10.30pm.
It was a sad day.
I lost a dear comrade.
He's been there through the thick and thin.


IT'S NOT A JOKE!!
If you know me, you know that I NEVER let it out of my sight. I also keep it in the pockets where I can feel it. So believe the shock I was in when I felt my pocket and it was not there. There are only two ways I could have lost possession of that iPod. Either

a. I was shot and the scumbag took my iPod right after, or
b. Someone did juju.

Im still alive, so it must have been b.
There's alot of scumbags out there, so if any of you do juju to my iPhone, holy water is being dashed in your face.

As some of my blog content was written ON my iPod, im screwed. I also have no idea when I'm meant to do things. I'M LOST. But, I'll blog the stuff I have pictures for.

Now let the show begin....

Saturday 7 March 2009

The Swaggest Customer Service

Yea Yea
Its Nearly Been A Month
Its Been A Stupid Month
Filled With Planning...Revising...Raving...Dentist Appointments...Smelly Bus Rides...And Throwing Up Which Someone Said Looks Like This:



But Anyway...Lets Get To The Subject.
We All Know Burger King Is On My Hate List..BUT NOW KFC?!?!



Fam. Its Nuts. But I Don't Hate KFC, Just the Ilford branch.
If You know me, and have been to a KFC with me, you know I tell the worker: Leg and Thigh Only. When it comes to a bucket, I say: NO WING. How the hell can you call a wing a piece of chicken!?

I told the woman NO WING cos we we're buying a bucket... [I'm sorry i didn't record this, but I left my phone at home =/] she says: OK. Im waiting TEN MINUTES FOR MY BUCKET, she didn't even give me an extra peice, like they usually do, for waiting.

When we open the bucket here's what I see:

NO THIGH
NO LEG
3 BUTT PIECES [The one with the butters bone or whatever right through the middle]
3 Side breasts [I'll allow]
4 FRICKIN WINGS?!

..................................................................
..................................................................
Listen, there's 3 things you don't do to a black guy: Cut in line, Call him stupid, or mess with his CHICKEN!? ARE YOU NUTS?!
Put the lid on. Grabbed car keys. We're going back.
ARE YOU NUTS?!

This is the genuine conversation:

Me: I was here less than 5 minutes ago and ordered a bucket...
Fraff Worker[FW]:Yes..
Me: Swear I said to you no wings, you said OK, i get home, AND I SEE 4 WINGS!?
Fraff Worker[FW]: Erm...Sorry the chicken wasnt ready...I didn't want to keep you waiting
Me: Don't gimmie that jazz! I SAW YOU BRING OUT A FRESH TRAY OF CHICKEN FROM THE OVEN! You already kept me waiting 10 minutes! From when I say NO WINGS and you give me FOUR, your fully violating!
[FW]: Errr...
Me: Look. I don't care what your excuse is, just change the wings for thighs. Wings do not fly with me [cheesy i know but meh]
[FW]: Okok.

THIS IS HOW I KNOW SHE VIOLATED!! She went STRAIGHT to the oven and got me thighs.

Me: WHAT!? Why couldn't you do that the first time if the chicken wasn't ready hmm?!
[FW]: Sorry..

I check the box now yea, and the manager says:

"Why are you checking the box. There's no need"

.........................................................

Me: ^o)[MSN icon] - OF COURSE THERE'S A NEED. FROM WHEN I TELL YOU NO WINGS AND YOU GIVE ME 4 WINGS, YOU THINK IM NOT GONNA CHECK?!

KMTTTTTTTTTT

------------------
Gone.