That's Swag

Back Soon.

2010-09-25T23:44:00.003+01:00

Stay sucker-free. But keep registered or checking regularly. Whatever. I have something in the pipeline. You'll love it. 'Till then, just follow me on twitter for updates on the swagness which is my life.

@MrThatsSwag

A dating website for ugly people...

2010-08-20T18:35:00.004+01:00

Yep.

I kid you not.

I mean exactly what the title says.

I'll let that digest in your mind for a while.

Cool.

Ready??

No? Need more time?

Okay. Here's a picture to help you.

OKAY.

I'm done.

I can't even say anything.

Just.

Agh.

Why is life like this??

Check it out.

The King Has Returned

2010-07-22T01:07:00.005+01:00

You know what yeah.

I wasn't gonna come back, till I finished doing my other projects.

In the past couple of months, I have let A LOT of swag things slide.

But no.

Not this.

THIS. ANGERED. ME.

I swear to God.

I was actually VEXED at the STUPIDITY that was occurring.

I can't even type what I'm feeling, so I made a video blog.

I think this is my first.

It's about Shardinay - Oh Boy.

Like.

Everyone on Twitter was blasting her.

I allowed it, cos I try to stay out of that.

But.

When I watched the video. This still angered me so much.

I HAD to make this video.

I HAD TO.

But, whatever.

Watch the video, then check the video which caused such an outburst of emotion.

(Sorry about it being sideways, but you'll manage).

Sidebar: My hair was going on a Shardinay - hence the hat.

Sidebar #2 - Recorded in the room with most light (you'll see what I mean)

Here's the video.

TELL ME I'M DEEP, I DARE YOU.

WTF Moments Part II

2010-04-11T01:45:00.004+01:00

I wrote this YONKS ago (last February I think) but I found it slyly humorous and hopefully you will do too.

Enjoy.

---------------------------------------------------------

I Know...A few days late, but what can ya do.

This time round, I'll be looking at the WTF Moments that I've seen...

For those who don't know what a WTF Moment is,or have forgotten since last month, here is a dictionary definition:

What the fuck[wtf] moment [hwot,stressed thee, fuhk, moh-muhnt] adjective:

1. When something that defies all laws of logic takes place. Example:
-Arsenal win the premiership

2. When words cannot explain how odd a scenario is. Example:
-Liverpool going ahead of Manchester United

3. When a moment just does not make sense. Example:
-Maddie McCann reappearing [I will rinse this line until the end of time]

Now, lets get on with the show!

--------------------------------------------------------------

1.Certain parents have gotten sloppy. Im sitting on the 123 to college in the morning, and the bus windows are fogged up. Obviously, little kids are expected to draw pictures, or write "Hello", but no...this went a lot differently.
This girl decides to write "FUCK"...and she's like 6 years old!!! And her mum is just watching her!!

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2.People that know me well know that I am some sort of vampire. My sleep patterns are CRANKED. But even i draw the line at belling me at 4.43am on a Wednesday morning! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? How DARE you violate my sleeping pattern. How DARE you violate just to say "Hi. Im bored. What you doing?" What the hell do you expect me to be doing!? Climbing Mt. Everest? Doing Yoga? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!? The worst is if I already don't like you too-tuff and you're doing this!? You're mad.
Next time you do it I will come through the telephone line and G'BOSSA you're face [Facebook and YouTube user know what I'm on about].

--------------------------------------------------------------

3.Exams! Exams are not cool in anyway. Infact they're the swaggest way of judging someone's intellect. But what I seriously don't rate is them WASTE that are rolex sweep'ing in the exam hall.

IF YOU'VE DONE AN EXAM RECENTLY YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. That one douchebag thats bare shaking his arm around in such an annoying way its in your view. Its a universal message that if you aren't shaking your arm off like he is, you've failed. Another sign is that guy that asks for more paper. Not just one sheet though. Not two sheets. THREE. Thats SIX EXTRA PAGES ON TOP OF THE 8PAGE ANSWER BOOKLET. You are NOT writing 14-flippin-pages to talk about the effects of tourism on a less developed country. YOU DON'T RATE!

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4.My last one is...well, Valentines day is coming up. Fair enough. But this is still not cool

I know people share headphones but putting two headphones in one iPod is SWAG. This is not cool! This is as bad as PDA. I don't understand why people think that whilst I'm on the tube I need to see them have dry-sex and bare lipsin. Especially when I dont have my iPod and I'm just hearing bare 'schloping' and ting. ERGH.

Lectures are pants!

2010-04-11T01:18:00.007+01:00

Lectures at uni are a par.

I mean, they're only 50minutes long but they're tiring!

In certain lectures, I actually struggle to stay awake, but it looks like I'm not the only one.

Ask any uni goer, or these lot when they wake up...

Please believe this all happened on the first day back after Christmas.

Five weeks into certain lectures, and this is the turnout.

Everyone left me and didn't decide to sent me the memo.

NOW WE ARE ALL STRESSING ON THE COURSEWORK.

Finally! I'm In University!

2010-04-11T00:52:00.005+01:00

Gosh!

I finally got there in the end.

I skipped a lot.

But. Meh. Sue me.

Anyway.

For those of you who don't know, I go Loughborough University.

It's near Leicester for those of you who don't know that already.

Anyway, I've realised that University is the most relaxed place, ever.

Like, nobody goes to lectures stunting (if they go to lectures at all).

HOWEVER, I did a crep check here, and people are going on RECKLESS.

Here's a few examples.

He took that ishh waaaaay back.

Under no circumstances is it cool to come chip shop bare foot/in socks at 11pm. Not even drunk yet.

It's definitely not cool to walk round like this in November.

You know what else is reckless? Dirty kitchens.

VILE!!!

I can't do dirty kitchens.

I've gotta cook in there.

Which is why I feel so terrible for my boy.

His kitchen is atrocious.

Like.

There's no other words.

If you are eating, about to eat, just finished eating, are pregnant, have OCD, have a pacemaker, have a weak heart, have a history of medical problems, or any life threatening disease, do not look at this.

If you can tell me what the heck that green stuff is I will actually give you money (not really, but still...)

Whole bunch of randomness!

2010-04-11T00:30:00.007+01:00

Basically, I'm tryna breeze through my backdating so that I can put uni stuff up.

Soooo, this post, much like the previous, will have little talk but alotta visual!

First up!

Facebook! I don't mind people adding me, but this is a joke.

Speechless.

My friends 18th birthday last year.

I love this guy.

Nikki's back is amazing. This guy looks like he bust just from looking at it.

King. Look at the emotion in his face.

The state of my life is 'fantaradical' as some would say.

Par ting.

F.M.L.

You see that chicken wing? No word of a lie he picked it up, wiped it down, then gave it to his kid.

Polio ting.

Flava Flav is a DAN.

The original Weezy F. Baby.

Cringes From The Past

2010-04-10T17:21:00.001+01:00

I miss these guys so much.
And they're faggots cos they're lazy (especially Jamz)

But.
Enjoy.
In all it's swag/cringe glory.

They did this for the whole song

And to think, two of us in this were Performing Arts Student...

I miss this guy, no homo(can't say the same for him)

The Swaggest Shorts Pt. III

2010-04-09T05:44:00.003+01:00

Watch him briefly suck it.

Good times, good times.

Whoever thought of these things...

2010-04-09T04:36:00.003+01:00

...should be shot.

What wasteman wakes up one day and only wants to colour SOME of his grey hairs?

1. Why is the guy smiling so eerily?

2. Why does he look retarded

3. Why is it called retar-dex(granted this ay answer #2)?

Ok, condom's aren't swag.

But.

The location of this condom machine.

Was in the male changing rooms.

In a swimming pool...

Is there something I don't know about swimming pools...or...?

I just heard some real bad news...

2010-04-09T04:33:00.009+01:00

Ok.

Not bad news. I just had some bad days.

But I like that song.

Anyway, in the past year or so.

I've some pretty swag bad days.

It's inevitable.

We all have those days.

Well, I have those months so stop your complaining damn it!

Anyway, here's two of my most memorable ones - I'm always blogging 'bout others, might as well put myself under the microscope as they say.

Enjoy?

(Don't watch the facial features - or the swearing. They were bad days.)

The first two are self explanatory.

The par with this one is that there is another part to this story which makes it worse.

I get on the train, finally get to Romford - BARRIERS ARE OPEN.

Me being an idiot, I forgot that Romford has a back exit ANYWAY that has no barriers - reason one why I'm a dickhead.

Then I RUN to the cinema (if you've been there you understand the EMOTIONAL distance from the station). That's reason number two as to why I am a dickhead.

I then get to the cinema, and PAY for a ticket. That's reason number three why I'm a dickhead. Why is it reason number 3? Cos when I get upstairs, THERE ARE NO USHERS.

P.S. - Contrary to what I just wrote, I am not a dickhead, so don't even think 'bout it.

Mate. This next one is technically a bad day for the girl whose birthday it was, but oh well.

It's summer time, and I'm hearing "POOL PARTY FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!".

Now, you know I run on LBMT(LATE black man time - that's EXTREMELY late) as well as most of the people I hang out with. So, we decided to roll to this POOL PARTY (keep these two words in your mind at all times).

This was the pool....so, the party?

WATCH THIS VIDEO CAREFULLY

So much fun right?

There was about, 10 people all in all.

And they tried to make us stay.

I took food and supermalt.

Then made my exit swiftly.

Wanna hear the par?

They had to turn the music down cos naighbours complained about noise...

It was a Saturday.

There was TEN people.

The music was down to the sound you play in your room when your mum is asleep in the next room.

They got in trouble again.

Had to turn the music off.

Pissed.

Just when you thought it made sense to shop again...

2010-04-06T00:24:00.007+01:00

Mate.

Before I start this post, have you realised that I don't name my posts 'The Swaggest [blah]' anymore?

Yea, #weoffthat.

It's quite limited cos some things will just be too long, or repetitive.

Anyway.

This post is gonna be mainly picture based.

Why?

Cos, I need to hurry up backdating so that I can post new stuff!

Shops have just been, stupid.

There's no other explanation.

Like the stuff they sell is just questionable.

Like I was in Blackpool and they were selling a replica of my crown jewels.

Well, mine is bigger but you get the point ;D

Then on top of that, they had the audacity to have a knock-off PRIMARK?!

This is saddening

Anyway, TK Maxx is casually sick.

For people who have smaller feet than me that is.

I mean come on! Whenever I go in TK Maxx, this is what they have to offer me:

Now, how can I go Tesco to buy some stir fry noodles, and they're selling a single pack for this much:

Blessed price right?

WRONG.

Tesco are stupid with their own prices, a double pack cost 1p extra. ONE PENNY EXTRA.

And how can me buying two of something cost less that one. Even on special offers:

Ok.

I wanted to end this post on one MAIN point. But I (don't care if you do) find these next 6 points funny. So enjoy!

Number 1 - Ilford Iceland

I knew they sold children in Ilford. Just knew it.

On a plus note, I heard they're buy one get one free.

Number 2 - What idiot would buy this on credit?

Number 3 - Self Explanatory

Number 4 - This isn't funny, I just find 'em cute lol

Number 5 - Barking ASDA

Oooooooooooooh my lawd. This one has a story. Firstly, my boy bought some Vaseline, opened it, and here is what it looked like.

Look how dug in it is!!!

Then he used it cos it was 'long' to line up again.

Now, the part that I found- interesting.

Some man just comes running out with bare ASDA bags but me and Darko didn't know why.

Next thing we see, couple of community police officers just tackle him and arrest him.

In his haste to escape, he hit some old one and barged her outta the way.

I kid you not, he basically stole, Lamb, Chicken, Beef, Couple bottles of champagne and some pork.

He wanted some victory meal.

And finally,

Number 6.

THIS IS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS.

LOOOL IT'S A GUY.

It's been a long one...A very long one

2010-04-05T00:24:00.017+01:00

It's been so long.

You've all grown so much.

It's amazing.

Just yesterday I had just made this blog with a plain background..

Now look at you all!!

With your Jobs Yearly Income/University Student Loan/Job Seekers Allowance/EMA/Pocket Money.

But. One thing hasn't changed...

My life is still filled with swag bollocks, people, food, areas, television, events, tweets, facebook pages, etc etc so on and so on.

So I'm back, WITH A VENGENCE!!!

But first off, let me go get some food...

In Ilford, places are limited on where you can go get food...

But would any of you REALLY buy any of this??

Nah, what is this?!

What self respecting chicken shop sells chicken and rice with Shami?!

On top of that, the respectable chicken shops try give me THIS as a thigh?

Chicken...with no skin? Don't piss me off!

The stuff gets worse when I go out though. For instance, I went to my old school's 6th Form Leavers Ball/Prom/Whatever.

The venue - SICK.

The music - SICK.

The drink prices - SICK.

The food - made me SICK.

Like.

It was actually a par.

Look at these pictures, and try tell me you would be anywhere satisfied with this meal.

First off!!

Starters:

A wonderful fruit platter with exotic tastes from all over the world...Yum!

Next up, the main course!

Bread! The finest bread made from wheat that has been sourced straight from Scotland...Oh wait? What's this...it's not bread! It's...

CHICKEN!!!

Succulent chicken(???) served with the finest gravy and fresh carrots sourced from Cornwall and potatoes from Scotland.

DON'T PISS ME OFF. THAT CHICKEN IS DRY.

IT SOAKED UP THAT STUPID WATERY GRAVY.

I COULDN'T EAT IT.

I COULDN'T SWALLOW.

LOOK.

HOW.

DRY.

IT.

IS.

And for dessert, we have something that would impress even Gordon Ramsey himself.

Freshly cooked, warm, moist, and spongy profiterole

Fahk.

They were crusty and stale.

Like seriously, I could have thrown it and knocked Kimbo Slice out with it.

P.S. TGI Friday's are PRICKS/GENIUSES/SLYLY PERVERTED for advertising food at a urinal.

The Swaggest Days Out

2009-05-25T02:46:00.025+01:00

Well, Well, Well.
Its Been A While But I Don't Apologise So....

My timetable is a JOKE. Sleep - Revision - Poop - Revision.
But whilst Saw4 is playing infront of me, I figured I might as well update. Better 3.09am than never, right?

So, whats been going on during the time I've left you? Nonsense.

1.People have been celebrating birthdays in KFC [Not with me]

ONLY IN STRATFORD

2.How can you come KFC and only eat skin [Stupid Chanaide] And Why Is There Ice In My Drink?

3.I nearly died @ Bank station. They weren't even joking about the gap.

4.Sainsbury's in Stratford went ona mad one..

5.Some racist little girl was GRIPPIN onto her mums bag when I came and sat down.

6.I met a pregnant security guard.

ITS'A MAN BTW!

7.Ilford Library went on a mad one.

8.I merked golf on my first go [Par 2 Snatch n Diablo]

9.I found the source of every girl in London's weave

10.And I found out YOUR problem

Now. Im Off To Finish Saw4 and start Saw5.
Ill Update again after revision.
But before I go, here's a lil video for ya:

The Swaggest Exam Techniques

2009-04-30T22:56:00.004+01:00

Revision Isa Par.
As Stated previously, I got bare work to do!!

But I haven't forgotten you people!
I have 9 Exams incase you wanna know!

4 Law, 4 Economics, 1 Performance[I know, not really an exam is it?]

But anyway, I hate the actual exams more than the revision [CLEARLY]. But what do I hate more than exams?

STUDENTS!

YES, YOU!

You guys take the piss!

I Dunno who i hate more...

1.the swag ones who ask for more sheets of paper.

WHY?! There was 16sheets in the booklet. What the hell could you POSSIBLY be writing!?

2.them guys that finish 30minutes early.

How DARE you have a nice quick nap whilst I'm bricking it like I had some dodge kebab from Salami's the night before.

3.them guys doing the rolex sweep.

YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN!!

Waving your arm around so much that you'd piss off Wiley/JME/Skepta. WHY DO IT!?

Making me vex and what not. Swear down, it makes wanna cry like....

[Taken after January Exam Results...SWAG!]

2009-04-30T22:40:00.003+01:00

Right, before everything lets do a quick FAQ:

Q.Why don't you consistently update?
A: Cos I have a life which is filled with all this swagness. If I didn't how could i write about it!?

Q.Do you overexaggerate your stories?
A:No. Which is why most of them have photgraphic evidence.

Q.What is the point of this blog?
A:To bait out the FOOLISHNESS in the UK

Now...On To The Blog!

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So Help Me God.

I will NEVER forget this walk to college.

Usually, this would not have scared me but...

DAMN!

This was crazy. Basically, the 123 bus terminated...ON THE MOTORWAY[access road] .

So me and Eman decide to walk through a path...which we should never have chosen...

The reason for this was, two days previous, i watched "The Unborn". Don't see the relevance?

Well basically, there's one scene in the film where a dog turns its head round upside down...

Now imagine how I felt when this happened....[Allow my voice!]

The Swaggest Drinker

2009-04-08T21:48:00.010+01:00

Lets Start off with a little maths.

14 or so shots + severe travel sickness = WATER GUN!! [you'll see the relevance soon]

Now. It was one of my friends' birthday party of Sunday.
As usual, I was late...Pretty much 3 and a half hours late.
But thats not the point.
I reached the venue and I see, what I can only describe as
"A giant snail-race trail".

You can see the trail next to my Co-D Garry. [Real Talk Though, WTF Does Co-D mean?]

Now. I couldn't get a full recording of her because SOMEONE kept getting in the way.
But I got pictures of her on my "You've Been Swagg'd" Machine.

If you were there, I promise you wouldv'e laughed your nipples off.

I apologise for the jazz quality, my Nokia 6300 if SWAG @ night.

Now. I never recorded the actual water gun...that would just be grim.
However, I, and my CO-D[I dunno] did our own reinactment.

And that leads to....

She did him proud...

So What Have You Learned?

SQUIRTLE'S WATERGUN ROCKS

The Swaggest Blogging System

2009-04-08T21:34:00.006+01:00

They're SO Swag.
I wanted to move to them because they have an iPhone application, but its not worth it.
I can't even upload videos directly on to it. Telling me I have to upload it onto YouChoob or something, THEN embed it on my page.

NONSENSE!?

For this reason[and due to the lack of a logo] Garry says...

You'll see the relevance of that picture soon...

The Swaggest - Short Part I

2009-03-15T16:02:00.003Z

I did this for the lol's.
I think it's HIIIIIIIIIIII-LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIOUSSSS
I'm gonna start doing this on strangers.

BUT YOU'RE SWAG - SHUT UP!

The Swaggest Type of Food

2009-03-15T15:34:00.005Z

Food. Food. Oh Magical Food.
The More You Eat. The More You...Poo?
But really, Fish is the swaggest type of food.
EVER INVENTED!
[I know fish wasn't invented but I said it for dramatic effect]
By the end of this blog, you WILL agree with me.

Anyway. I'ma tell the story in a....POEM!

Its Thursday night.
The fridge is empty.
My stomach is
Rumbling plenty.
There's food cooking
But it's fish
If it ain't got chicken
Then it ain't a dish.
Three pound ninety
Thats all I need
To get myself
Gourmet Chinese
Hop in Redrum
Get to the buffet
"Large takeaway box" is all I say.

/Poem. [End poem for you non-computer literate]

Ok. Them HUNGRYYYY times. CHinese was calling me.
All that was on fire was fish. And this is why I was NOT eating it, no matter what happened[Spoken in true family guy fashion. You'll see...]:

Bare chicken in my box, who the heck needs noodles?!

The Swaggest....I Just Dont Know!?

2009-03-15T13:32:00.002Z

14th March 2009. Roughly 10.30pm.
It was a sad day.
I lost a dear comrade.
He's been there through the thick and thin.

IT'S NOT A JOKE!!
If you know me, you know that I NEVER let it out of my sight. I also keep it in the pockets where I can feel it. So believe the shock I was in when I felt my pocket and it was not there. There are only two ways I could have lost possession of that iPod. Either

a. I was shot and the scumbag took my iPod right after, or
b. Someone did juju.

Im still alive, so it must have been b.
There's alot of scumbags out there, so if any of you do juju to my iPhone, holy water is being dashed in your face.

As some of my blog content was written ON my iPod, im screwed. I also have no idea when I'm meant to do things. I'M LOST. But, I'll blog the stuff I have pictures for.

Now let the show begin....

The Swaggest Customer Service

2009-03-07T14:10:00.004Z

Yea Yea
Its Nearly Been A Month
Its Been A Stupid Month
Filled With Planning...Revising...Raving...Dentist Appointments...Smelly Bus Rides...And Throwing Up Which Someone Said Looks Like This:

But Anyway...Lets Get To The Subject.
We All Know Burger King Is On My Hate List..BUT NOW KFC?!?!

Fam. Its Nuts. But I Don't Hate KFC, Just the Ilford branch.
If You know me, and have been to a KFC with me, you know I tell the worker: Leg and Thigh Only. When it comes to a bucket, I say: NO WING. How the hell can you call a wing a piece of chicken!?

I told the woman NO WING cos we we're buying a bucket... [I'm sorry i didn't record this, but I left my phone at home =/] she says: OK. Im waiting TEN MINUTES FOR MY BUCKET, she didn't even give me an extra peice, like they usually do, for waiting.

When we open the bucket here's what I see:

NO THIGH
NO LEG
3 BUTT PIECES [The one with the butters bone or whatever right through the middle]
3 Side breasts [I'll allow]
4 FRICKIN WINGS?!

..................................................................
..................................................................
Listen, there's 3 things you don't do to a black guy: Cut in line, Call him stupid, or mess with his CHICKEN!? ARE YOU NUTS?!
Put the lid on. Grabbed car keys. We're going back.
ARE YOU NUTS?!

This is the genuine conversation:

Me: I was here less than 5 minutes ago and ordered a bucket...
Fraff Worker[FW]:Yes..
Me: Swear I said to you no wings, you said OK, i get home, AND I SEE 4 WINGS!?
Fraff Worker[FW]: Erm...Sorry the chicken wasnt ready...I didn't want to keep you waiting
Me: Don't gimmie that jazz! I SAW YOU BRING OUT A FRESH TRAY OF CHICKEN FROM THE OVEN! You already kept me waiting 10 minutes! From when I say NO WINGS and you give me FOUR, your fully violating!
[FW]: Errr...
Me: Look. I don't care what your excuse is, just change the wings for thighs. Wings do not fly with me [cheesy i know but meh]
[FW]: Okok.

THIS IS HOW I KNOW SHE VIOLATED!! She went STRAIGHT to the oven and got me thighs.

Me: WHAT!? Why couldn't you do that the first time if the chicken wasn't ready hmm?!
[FW]: Sorry..

I check the box now yea, and the manager says:

"Why are you checking the box. There's no need"

.........................................................

Me: ^o)[MSN icon] - OF COURSE THERE'S A NEED. FROM WHEN I TELL YOU NO WINGS AND YOU GIVE ME 4 WINGS, YOU THINK IM NOT GONNA CHECK?!

KMTTTTTTTTTT

------------------
Gone.

The Swaggest Hunger Fighter

2009-02-14T19:03:00.008Z

Burger King are BASKETS!
Baskets are tell you!
If you've seen they're new £1.99 advert and the credit crunch is starting to slap you in the face with a wet fish, you may feel like its a good idea to try it out.

DON'T!!
The meal is not worth the ''squilla''

I was mad hungry aswell. I was ready to beat up a cow, go to one them chinese resturants and then throw it on a grill and cook it myself. BUT I HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS?!

The proportions of the food was not equal to the amount spent on the food.

INCASE YOU DO NOT SEE THE PAR, HERE IS THE ZOOMED IN VERSION

But to make things worse, my dear "friends"...

...decided to make a list of food i could've bought with that £2.
We came out with:

4 Chicago Town Pepperoni Pizzas
A bag of 24 nuggest and microwave chips from Iceland
2 pieces of chicken and chips @ Any serious chicken shop
4 wings, chips and a drink
6 wings and chips
2 chicken shop pizza's
The KFC box meal
McFlurry and 2 apple pies
2 Apple pies and a drink
2 Apple pies and a Chicken Mayo
Bare Tesco value jazz
I COULD HAVE BOUGHT POTATO'S AND MINCE TO MAKE THE BURGER AND CHIPS >_<

To make it worse, "my friends" decide to go to the fast food place i hate the most...but had madman meal.

They didn't even allow me a chip.
The feeling I had...words cannot express it...so I had to...

NOPE. FACEPALMING IS NOT THE LICK ANYMORE...I HAVE CREATED

FACEDESK!
Get on the bandwagon, BUT DO NOT BUY THIS MEAL >=[

The Swaggest Word Verification Part II

2009-02-08T11:36:00.003Z

AGAIN!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!?!??!
Now Hotmail are trying it!!!

The Swaggest Entertainment

2009-02-08T11:33:00.007Z

Its official
Entertainment is dead. If not then, in the words of Lil Wayne, "had a heart attack".
But WHO is bringing it back?

if you know me, you know i dont watch the following channels on sky:

Channels 350(except runs house) - 400 [i dunno where the music channels end but you get me]

Why? 'Cos music is all the same.
IS IT JUST ME OR IS MUSIC MORE REPETITIVE?!
Example? Single Ladies.
Shurrup you know i'm right. Then you got all these sub-standard tracks that just repeat the same 4 lines for like 2 minutes.

Lyrics are meaningless
Chorus' are longer than verses.
Verses are like bridges
Hooks are just ooohs and ahhhs

I blame this for starting it off:

LL Cool J - control myself

Zazazazazazazazazazaza my ass.
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Music outta the way. TV Time. TV SUCKS!
It sucks HARD
I swear it's full of idiotic reality shows. Celeb Big Bro? Shurrup. No one on there is a celebrity. All of them WANT to be celebrities again.
EastEnders is predictable. They're not even killing people anymore.
HollyOaks is straining out its storylines.
I don't look forward to any TV shows, I swear.

Speaking of which however, for all EastEnders watchers. You see on fridays episode[Tiffany's birthday], am I the only person who was waiting for Tony to walk in and be like

"Hello Tiffany...".

Woulda been a better ending than finding out Ricky could be/is her dad. =/
-----------------------------------------------------------

I'm not a cinema guy. We all know it. I don't like paying like £6 for some crap film.

But, cos Samuel L Jackson and Eva Mendez were in it and it was made by the people that made 2 of my favourite films [Sin City & 300], its GOT to be spectacular!

I WAS WRONG. Oh, and my Bloody Valentine 3D sucks too.

Guess Who's Back?

2009-02-03T09:12:00.016Z

Itsa me........MARIO

Thank you...thank you...Im back in my Redrum...- My Fiat Punto!

Im so ahead, i can't even see you in my rear view!!
SHURRRRRRRRUP!

Exams tok over my life, then celebrating the end of my exams took over the past 4 days and now the cold is beating up my body and my arm is banging from all them snowballs and tackles....But anyway

THis will be a lengthy-ish blog, so sit tight.

First up, My 3rd Favourite Show [1st - Scrubs, 2nd - Smallville] is back!

HEROES!!!
Only online though...UK slacks...Find it here

Anyway. I wanna take the time off my regular 'Swag' stuff to....well, tell you how great it is. No. Really. The first episode was like, KH;ASBGFBGFAKSHFK;SB;ALSJBF?!

Too many questions! Too many comments!

SPOILERS AHEAD!

In fact, highlight the next part 'cos i know there'll be that one douchebag that reads and is angry at me [YES. YOU!]

As you know, Nathan snaked everyone out. The first ep shows the 'Hunter' [BADMAN] tryna get all the people with powers. He's so mad. I swear, the last 5 minutes i was like "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Anyway on to some quick points:

1.Mohinder Is Live. He can control his powers and he isn't ugly[well...LOL]anymore
2.Nathan and Angela Petrelli are on some snakey flex, but Nathan is the devil. Don't care what you say.
3.When I first watched the ep, i said "Peter you never learn...so gullable". BUT WAIT. He lied to Nathan! He knew whats good! Its joke. Peter is like his dad...Kinda. His Power switched up...when he touches people he gains their power[dunno if they keep it too, haven't seen the after-effects yet, or whether he can use them at the same time..or if there's a time limit]
4.THANK GOODNESS. A BEGINNING EPISODE WITH NO TIME TRAVEL!!!!!
5.Parkman is useless. But the producers snaked the original dude who could draw the future and gave Parky the power too =[
6.Claire ISN'T waste anymore. She doesn't even need her healing powers. She's cranked!
7.Sylar ain't being caught by nobody! He's still the friggin boss. #1 Character...He's the only person with proper character development!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
We interrupt this blog to bring you an advertisement in association with Overly JuCee

Get involved punks!

That is all!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bun face palming....
I've taken it to a new level
When you just read something so STUPID online or whilst near a table....Heck you can do it with an air table!

FACE-DESKING
Get Acquainted!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As people should know [cos i said it previously]
I've been going hard with revision...

I've been baning out supermalt, boost, redbull, rockstar and relentless....

BAD BOY REVISION DRINKS!
I wont lie. I nearly threw up when i saw this.....

GET SOME NAIL CLEANERS. FAIRY LIQUID. SOMETHING!?

Anyway. Hopefully the revision paid off....
But before i leave you. I need SOMETHING in here to call swag or this has been perfectly off topic.

So here's this....I finished my last exam....And they gave our phones back but we were still under exam conditions and bare papers hadn't been given in.
Do you know how easy it was for me to do this?!

P.S...Not all the graffitti on there is by me!

OUT!

That Swaggest Word Verification

2009-01-03T02:04:00.007Z

Facebook is a

PAR

Trust me
You know when you try posting links on FB you have to do some word verification to show your not some robot. Fair enough, HOWEVER, it is now taking the mickey.

THEY ARE NOT GIVING ME LEGITIMATE WORDS!
Plog[picture blog] time!

Basically, I tried to send someone [whose Page i have blacked out for privacy] a link to my blog and I got all this nonsense.

If you can tell me that word, I will give you a fiver.

But twice?!?!

Since when were numbers a word?!

I'm off

WTF Moments Part I

2009-01-03T00:47:00.007Z

First and foremost

HAPPY NEW YEAR

New year, new concepts, new swagness..I wanna say new layout but not yet...
However, HOLLA @ ME!!

------------------------------------------------

Now, I'm gonna try and do these WTF Moments on a regular basis.
For those who don't know what a WTF Moment is, her is a dictionary definition:

What the fuck[wtf] moment [hwot,stressed thee, fuhk, moh-muhnt] adjective:

1. When something that defies all laws of logic takes place. Example:
-Joshua stops eating at KFC

2. When words cannot explain how odd a scenario is. Example:
-You go Soho and don't understand if it is a man or woman

3. When a moment just does not make sense. Example:
-Maddie McCann reappearing

Now, since the year 2000, there have been SO many WTF moments. I want to take a moment to point some of these out!

------------------------------------------------

1. They found Saddam Hussain in a hole, under a mud shack... That's not the full WTF moment. The full part is this:

Soldiers also recovered two AK 47 rifles, $750,000 in $100 denominations and a white and orange taxi in the raid.

A WHITE AND ORANGE TAXI!? What was he doing with a white an orange taxi? I can picture it now

Saddam: Hey guards, I wanna go into town. Visit a few bars, get a few girls over, pop some bottles. *Phone rings* Yea, Osama we'll whip round soonish. Feds are on my tag.

SERIOUSLY!?

------------------------------------------------

2. I dunno if a lot of people know who this woman is. But she made me laugh. Dame Hellen Mirren. She's been in Inkheart..National Treasure... BUT thats not important. She's a dame. Which means she has been knighted or whatever by the Queen. However...

Dame Helen Mirren dabbled with drugs but quit when she learned it was funding the lifestyle of a wanted Nazi war criminal.

A Nazi!? Not just some black guy down the alley. Not some shifty Off license shop. Not some dodgy guy in a bar. A NAZI? Klaus Barbie. His bounty is over $20million. And she has been buying coke from him?! WTF?!

------------------------------------------------

3. This is the last one that I am going to do for this month. You HAVE to watch Saw. Near the end of it. Its. Ri.Dic.U.Lous. Unfortunately I can't put up a clip. So I'll describe it to you.

Im gonna call these people Mr.A and Mr.B. Mr.A tells Mr.B to take his shirt off to reach a tape recorder as he is chained by his leg. [This happened at the beginning of the film.

Now, Mr.A is trying to reach a phone, which is closer to him [but still out of reach] that the tape player for Mr.B at the beginning. I'm sitting there saying TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AND REACH IT YOU FOOL. Bare struggling and stuff. HOWEVER...he finally takes it off...And he reaches for the phone, picks it up, talks with his wife, says where they are and lives hapilly ever after.........

NOT. The douchebag takes the shirt off, ties it to his leg, bites on one part of it and saws his foot of so he gets off the chain...
WTF?! Tell me, which one woulda made more sense.

The Swaggest..........WAIT A MINUTE!!!

2008-12-28T22:23:00.005Z

RIGHT
Stop the presses
Call up BBC, ITV, Channel4, Channel5, E4, EVERYONE

I'm stopping Thatsswag.......

For this post =P
It has come to my attention that certain people don't know how to do certain things. So this post is dedicated to three important things that people need to learn to do..

So here we go!
Thatsswag.blogspot.com's very own ''HOW TO'' guide

•How to host an event

-If you're the host of a show. Don't have some dull voice cos you
just set the tone of the whole event. Especially if you have a time
limit. Wasting time will not get you a refund on your hire fee.

-Why on earth would you rent somewhere and say the event starts at 6 o
clock and you, as the organiser, reach at 8 o clock. Once again you
won't get a refund on your hire fee.

-If you want people to dance do NOT have seats or tables. They WILL
get sat on you waste. If you MUST have seats do NOT under any
circumstance have too many. It will just make the event look 10x
deader. So if it's dead already then you got a major KO.

-If your paying a DJ £500 then you should tell him what type of music
is played. If the music is dead you can't blame the DJ in anyway!

-Remember. If the venue is swag, you KO'ed your own event from the start

-If it's an African event, expect all left overs to be taken. Do not
expect to get a drink or food after the event as the chances are like
0.0000001%

•How to enjoy a shubz

-Certain girls act up infront of cameras like their models. It's a
party not a photoshoot

-Don't pay ten pounds entry to look militant in the corner of the
room. Don't player hate on people dancing either. That's like paying
ten pounds to hate on someones myspace. It don't make sense.

-If you can't handle your drink
Don't drink! Certain people will stamp you out for vomitting on their
top or spilling drink on them

-SKANK. If you can't skank two step. If you can't two step you
shouldve stayed at home.

•How to be an average grade London MC

Disclaimer: Taken From Boondocks - Story Of Gangstalicious

-Get a producer no one has heard of who makes catchy beats. If you
can't so that then : limewire>search>flukes

-If your gonna mc in public then make sure you take atleast 30 people
with you so that they can drown out the boo's

-Make up bars that people can't even hear properly but have easily
recognisable last words.
Example: klsj;agfakl;sjgfaskl;jfg;asjkgfklasgfklsgflkhasg reign, asjkl;jklfasjklfhkajsfhklsjfgkljasgfkljasgfjkla pain, shlakgfwuigrioasjlgfklgaslfashlgfj fame, shakjfaghskfhgalhkgfahkgwriasughfjihasj game

-Come up with a tagname that doesn't make sense. E.g. Tinchy Stryder.
Chipmunk. ~~Devlin~~. Mojo. [I will cross these names off if you can tell me why they're named that]

-And do not forget, you must always talk alotta smack, like you been pushing drugs since 3, got shot at 7, shot someone at 12, became a drug lord and 15 and are now worth a millie.

The Swaggest Event

2008-12-23T02:03:00.004Z

College Link Up

Click it

If it doesn't work
Ask someone who knows/went to it

Nuff Said

The Swaggest Morals

2008-12-21T12:32:00.004Z

Listen though
The world is officially corrupt
THey're now using babies to gain money?

Before i continue...let me explain.
Its the pampers advert. You may have seen it, you may not. But regardless here it is:

Whats swag/corrupt about that?
Go to the ending, like 28/29 seconds, PAUSE, and read the small print.

If you cant see, here it is:

Still dont see?!?!

If you didn't know, 0.047 euro's is equivalent to 0.03p...AND THAT GETS ONE VACCINE!?

The cheapest pack of Pampers is £5.98 according to Sainsburys.co.uk
If they donated all of that money, they'll be able to get 19,933.3 vaccines....

Pampers are MORALLY SWAG!

The Swaggest Computer Desk

2008-12-16T22:12:00.014Z

Trust me
I was NOT gonna update till like, friday
But something happened last night [Monday 15th December 2008] that NEEEDS an advertisement
Listen.........

My computer desk broke!
And in Jwls fashion, im gonna do a picture blog for this. So its a plog...whatever.

So obviousli, for a while now, my computer desk[from now on called desk] has had a crack in it from 1 time i got vex n jus punched it...

But last night...i dunno wtf happened. I musta pushed to hard on it with my hand or something.... something like so:

So...my desk went from looking like this:

To this:

Im bare switchin cos this is happening at like, 00.45am - 2.00am. i was bare wondering wtf to do. but luckily, i found some next piece of wood [which broke from the desk time ago] and put drill holes on the side and did some carpentry ting, so now it looks like:

-------------------------------------------

What lesson did i learn from all this?

Spinach will give you Popeye strength that can break through all substances

P.S. I have popeye strength, the desk is wolverine wood. Clearly Popeye would DUPPY Wolverine off.
100% FACT

The Swaggest Items...And One Not So Swag

2008-12-10T10:39:00.007Z

-------------------------------------------------
THIS IS A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT
BUN EMA! SCUMBAGS!!!

I HAVE RECEIVED 0 FOR THE PAST 4MONTHS!!!!! AND THEYRE TELLING ME
IM EFFECTIVELY WAITING UNTIL JANUARY? GONNA BE ONE SICK BACKDATE PAYMENT!!!
----------------------------------------------------

Back On Topic!
I'll Keep these short and simple 'cos I've been writing stories lately!

1st Up!
The African Carpet brush which doubles as an 'anonynmous' friends hair brush!

Next in line we have the biggest bottle of Kidney failure you will ever see

Note : The Speaker next to it is the same height as a bedside drawer!![Its Hennessey By The Way]

Last but not least, this generations version of where's wally. We present to you...
WHERE'S BIN LADEN!? [Sold in all good HMV stores...]

I wont lie...it's a good book!

The Swaggest Mum

2008-12-10T10:28:00.004Z

Not my mum
DONT GET IT TWISTED!

However, this woman is.
Once again, East Ham. Outside Sainsbury's
Her little son, was CRYING for her. Screaming ''MUMMMY''
Rather than picking him up, what did she do?
Walked off smiling. As well as that, rather than picking up her son...she was busy holding.....

A LETTUCE!

Coming To A Newspaper and News Channel Near You
Maddie pt. 2. Was that joke too soon? Ah well, i am not Politically Correct. I am not a P.C
I am a Mac![Apple iTouch really...but meh!]

The Swaggest Clothes

2008-12-10T10:14:00.011Z

Trust me.
Its Christmas time [which i don't really care for 'cos it isnt REALLY Jesus' birthday..but that story is for another time]
People are going CRAZYYY shopping, and with this VAT cut you save .......a pound!! Alistar Darling pars MY budget.

Still, the one thing people will buy is clothes...thats because they're the cheapest thing
But i draw the line at stripping on MY, i repeat MY 145 Bus!!

Butterz clothes aswell!

Next up
PRIMARK
I have no problem with Primark or its shoppers, unless its the one in East Ham.
I was meant to meet someone there, and whilst waiting i saw these two woman Christmas carroling to get money for charity...

I will repeat that
Two women were Christmas carrolling outside Primark in East Ham

.....
Don't see the problem?
YOUR ASKING FOR MONEY OUTSIDE PRIMARK!!
Its like going into the Pound store and stealing
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Lets play a game
Spot the white person in Primark!

Primark is an Ethnic Par I Swear!

However, i am NOT exempt from this Christmas shopping spree.
Believe i went out to buy one book, came home with all of this:

Saving is swag, put my clothes up in the bag!

The Swaggest Health Regime

2008-12-10T09:59:00.006Z

I am NOT healthy.
I do SOME exercise, but i am NOT healthy.
HOWEVER
Even by MY standars, the following foods are diabetes in a box/ona plate

Sainsbury's are SCUMBAGS!
First off, the stop making 10 packs of doughnuts
Then i read the box and it tells me that the doughnuts are FROZEN then heated.
Tell me, why is it in the fresh bakery section?!
Then i realised they're trying to kill me.

DO YOU SEE ALL THAT SUGAR ON THE BOTTOM?
If that was cocaine you could DIE!!!!

But...once again I AM NOT HEALTHY
So me making cholestoral sandwiches areb blessed:

DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE LETTUCE. This sandwich had more grease than the bottom of a KFC bargain bucket.

The Swaggest Update...Maybe?

2008-12-06T21:02:00.001Z

My Blog Is Crying.
Trust Me...I Haven't Been On For Almost A Month
But bear with me like a panda
i promise i will make it up to you lot over the week...still heres something to feed your appetite

I played my mum Rachel Hylton's X-Factor Audition Video :

Mum -[african accent syle] Oh, she's tryin to sound like Amy Winehead. Where is she now? hospital?
Me - .......................................
Me - IM SORRY. I cant let it go, Did you just say Amy Winehead?!
Mum - Is that not her name?
Sister - No...
Me - Her name is Amy Winehouse
Mum - Okok. But Why is she singing Amy Redwine's song

.................................

Anyway, Onto The Swaggest Town

ROMFORD
I Swear i thought that there was no where worse than Ilford.
I WAS WRONG. Romford is full of clubs, kebab shops, a lidl and a McDonalds.
I go Into McDonalds....AND THEY'RE CHARGING ME £1.80 FOR A FLIPPING MCFLURRY
AND £1 FOR ONE
I REPEAT
ONE!!!
APPLE PIE
WTF!?!??!?!

The Swaggest Safe Sex Convo

2008-12-06T20:57:00.001Z

It happens to all of us.
The talk
Yes, THE TALK.
I thought i got away with it cos it didnt happen yet.
But my mum gave me the swaggest safe sex talk ever.

It started with her saying something about me lying with a girl or hugging her or whatever...

Mum - Make sure she doesn't get you on a latch
Me - What?
Mum - On latch!
Me - Ok.....I thought she was going to say not to get her pregnant
Sister - Thats what she meant! I understood!
Mum - Exactly! You shouldn't even be doing the deed.
Me - Deed? Say the word!!!
Mum - [African Style] Ah, I have told you before. Even kissing a girl can get her pregnant!
Me & Sister - HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Alot...

The Swaggest Science Experiment

2008-11-24T23:20:00.001Z

Im doing the video updates first, cos they require less time!
But ona real, check out this science experiment, wish we did this in school. =[

The Swaggest Blog Website

2008-11-24T23:07:00.002Z

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Blogger.com is a PAR
Every damn time i come to update
IT TELLS ME MY PASSWORD IS INCORRECT
HOW?!
ALLLLL of my passwords are the same
Fudging sons of bannana-hammocks

Anyway, Update Soon Come.
Till then, heres the swaggest health check ANY female can get, Trust Meee Cusss.
[Watch the guy on the left, he looks high on coke and heroin]

Stop! Random Time!

2008-11-11T23:20:00.004Z

Ok.
This Is Randomised Products/Pictures I'll never have a whole post for.
So yea...

1st things first, for everyone that doesn't know..
[Written By Hayley[see picture below..........I don't really kill them!]

She's actually iron woman! Coming out in cinema's 2010

Now, you know when you go chicken shops, you expect them fake drinks like Mirinda...But, this jazz isnt even in eglish!

Or even arabic like usual!

The Swaggest Hygiene

2008-11-11T23:03:00.005Z

BECAUSE There is no other place for me to put this picture, im putting it here at the beginning.

Location : Ilford library mens toilet - Second floor.
YES. I LOOK LIKE SOME FRESH THING OFF THE BOAT. BUT YOU DONT GET IT, THERE WAS PISS ON THE FLOOR, AM I MWAD?!
Notice the tip-toeing, i did not want to touch it AT ALL. Some swag hygiene!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway. I bought some jelly beans [addiction]. And they were peng...till i noticed something odd in one.

You see that black line? Guess what it was....IT WAS NOT A HAIR...It was

A PIECE OF WOOOD. SOMEONE, TELL ME. WTF IS WOOD DOING IN A JELLY BEAN PROCESSOR. SERIOUSLY?!

The Swaggest Toys

2008-11-11T23:00:00.004Z

Racism is everywhere.
From school, to work, even to resturants and airplanes.
But when its in toys, you gotta worry about our younger generations!
So i present to you, the swaggest toy set, EVER.

But now...Barack Obama is getting ready to take over as the most powerful man in the world...i call that a.......

The Swaggest Immigrants

2008-11-10T22:56:00.003Z

Africans!
What the fudge cake is wrong with us? SERIOUSLY?!
I was in Subway today [11/11/08] (with vouchers of course) getting my regular footlong italian BMT. When some FRESHHHH guy came in. When readign the african mans part, please picture it in the STRONGEST african accent.

Aff - Eh, Excuse me, do you have halal?
Worker- Yes, everything in here is halal.
Aff - OOOOOOOOOOH, Thats good!
Worker- What can i get you sir?
Aff - I WANT MEAT!
Worker- Erm....You have to choose one from the menu
Aff - Ah Ah Now, I Don't know how you do this thing, just give me meat!

Me - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! BUSH!

But it doesn't end there.
It reaches home too....I love my mum. We all know i do, but sometimes he roots come out.
I must of told her something shocking and this is how it went...:

Me - Yea i know its mad.
Mum - Ah, I Know! I'm fabalastic.
Me - Flabagasted...
Mum - Thats what i said now! Fabagastic
Me - You mean Flabagasted...
Mum - I said that! Fagabastard

Nuff said.

The Swaggest Video - QUADRUPLE EDITION!

2008-11-02T22:31:00.010Z

Ok. 4 Video's for the space of one blog post!

Now, Lets get it started!.

He got no wedding cake after this :(

This second one only makes sense if you know about the 'Dragonball Action Movie'. But its still funny regardless...

And number three. Recorded by yours truely.
EXCLUSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This woman was doing some rain dance or something in Walthamstow...Madness...

Oh
OH
OHHHHHHH
This video is a classic.

HOW CAN SHE SLAP! LOOOOOOOL ' You faaaaa'

LISTEN CAREFULLY TO EVERYTHING SAID, AND WATCH HIS BOY SLYLY DUCK OFF STAGE!

The Swaggest Help Forum

2008-10-30T15:46:00.008Z

OH MY JEEDAY JAWS (whatever happened to him? he was a good MC)
Anyway
Initially I was gonna write a different post.
But i found this one much funnier.

Click This To View The Picture/Forum. Its Mad.

The Swaggest Video Of The Week

2008-10-29T22:52:00.006Z

...:::Update:::...

I Swear Down, Im Jus Gonna Update Once Or Twice A Week. I'm Too Busy To Keep Up...But On To The Swaggest Video Of The Week

...:::End Of Update:::...

Erm
I Dunno
What To Say
Just....
The Guys In This Video

STRONG HOMO

The Swaggest Transport System

2008-10-17T20:10:00.009+01:00

I Swear.
This Is A TwoIn One.
We'll Start Off With The Shortest.

BLACKJACK
Sickest Game Ever. And Im The King

Im Playing In Law Class [Lesson Was Swag Anyway]
And One Guy Tries Kicking If Off By Dropping A BlackJack [Which Means Pick Up 5 cards]
Then The Next Guy Drops Another BlackJack [Now Its Pick Up Ten Cards]
THey're All Laughing And Shizzle, Then BAM BOOM BIFF BOFF, THROW SOME 2'S ON THAT BISH

On To The Original Topic - The Swaggest Transport System
They're Actually Swag.
Why On Earth Is It That One Side Of The Bus [That I Sit On] Is Squashed Like A Mother Fudger.
Making My Knees Do Some Bends Like A Pretzel.

Whereas Its BAREEEEEEEEEEEE Spacious On The Other Side

Now...
Im Ona 123 Going Walthamstow.
And The Bus Says Its On Diversion. It Goes Down A Road [Where Its Meant To], Reaches A Roundabout, And Comes Back To Where We Started, Then Goes On Some Next Route Going Towards Leyton.
HE STOPS THE BUS AND STARTS SAYING: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, I'M LOST!

WHAT THE FUDGE?!?!?!?!!?!? HE STOPS AND STARTS ASKING PEOPLE IN TRAFFIC FOR DIRECTIONS. HE THEN STARTS ASKING PEOPLE ON THE BUS FOR DIRECTIONS. WE'RE JUST LIKE =| OH MY JEEEDAY JAWSS. WHAT IS THIS?!
I Went Late To Lesson That Day. My Teacher Didn't Believe Me. So I Took His Photo And This Video As Proof.

Would You Trust This Guy Driving Your Bus?

Here's The Video Still!!!

The Swaggest Products On Sale

2008-10-17T20:06:00.005+01:00

Three Words.
EL
OH
EL
Certain Girls In London Need To Buy This.

Now. Madonna. She's Like. 83 Or Something But She Still Goes On Tour And Has Her Own Perfume...Which Is Being Sold In The One Pound Store Opposite Brixton Station.

Certain Females Are Getting This For Birthdays And Christmas!

The Swaggest Security & Nando's

2008-10-17T19:51:00.001+01:00

Listen.
The O2 is SWAG
SHUT UP.
NO DISCUSSION
ITS ACTUALLY SWAG [Except Matter - FIREEE CLUB!]

Anyway
If You've Been There, You'll See That Theres A Swag Security System. There Is A Lil Metal Detector On The Side, Where You VOLUNTARILY Walk Through. Bin Friggin Laden Could Waltz In Then GO To The Dumbest Nando's In History.

[I Woulda Had Pics Of The Security, But They Were Watching Me And I Wasn't On Being Rugby Tackled]

Anyway, On To Nando's. Me, Juelz And Merv [Mahta Joins After]
Mervin Can't Actually Order. This Is The Actual Convo:

Worker - What Do You Want To Order
Merv - Errrrrrrrm, Some...Rice.
Worker - Anything Else?
Merv - Erm, Chicken. Quarter...I Think, Yeah.
Worker - How Hot?
Merv - Erm. Oh Right. Lemon And Herb[WIMP!] And I Want Bread. You Know, The Bread...Whats It Called Again?
Juelz - Pitta Bread?
Merv - YEAH THAT'S IT..........Wait, No. Erm, That Bread. You Know. The One With Garlic....
Juelz,Worker,Me - Garlic Bread
Merv - YEAAAH
Worker - ......Do You Want A Drink?
Merv - Yea. What Drinks You Got? I Want Fanta. Can I Have It In A Glass...
Worker,Me,Juelz - ..........................................................
Worker - We Give You The Glass.......

ANYWAY.
We're Eating Now. Juelz And Merv's Chickens Look Like SHYT Compared To Mine [Merv Isa Wimp...Asked For Lemon And Herb, But Julie Made Him Switch To Medium]
AND THEY PUT KETCHUP ON THE CHICKEN. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO!?!?!?!?.

I Get Up To Get A Drink. And Hit My Head On This

Who The Hell Thought This Would Be A Good Design Idea? IT FRIGGIN BURNT ME.
CLEARLY I DIDN'T LET JUELZ KNOW OR SHE WOULDA WROTE ABOUT IT HERSELF.

Still, Im Tired.
More Soonish

The Swaggest Chicken N Chip Shop

2008-10-17T19:47:00.002+01:00

I Think This Was In Bath Still.

4 WINGS, CHIPS AND A DRINK, £3.29!
2PIECE CHICKEN, CHIPS AND A DRINK, £3.29

MADDDDDDDD

Chicken Cottage In Ilford - 5 Wings Chips n a Drink - £2.50
2 Piece Chicken Chips n a Drink - £2.00

SHADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAP
I Don't Wanna Hear No North Londoners Come TO Me About Chick King

The Swaggest Portrait!

2008-10-17T19:34:00.002+01:00

The Drawing Skills My Economics Class
Are Ona Seriously Swag Level. Barry's Rants Get No Respect On A Wednesday Afternoon So We Decided To Try Out Our Art Skills. Mine Is The 'Why So Serious' One.
CHIMMY, DONT KILL ME!

FINALLY - THE SWAGGEST UPDATE!!!

2008-10-08T23:07:00.002+01:00

Jeeeeeeez
This Update Is A Week Overdue
But, What Can Ya Do Eh?
Like Julie Wud Say ''Ive Had Bare S**t to do!''

What Exactly HAVE i been doing? WHERE TO START. FIRST OFF LEMMIE SAY THAT HOTMAIL IS TOOO SWAG.

WTF IS THIS ABOUT? I LEAVE FOR A WEEK AND I GET 4639 EMAILS?!
Swear Ima Leave It For A Month SO They Delete Everything For Me.

Anyway, This Post Is Just To Say That Im Back...Bun The Post Time, I Wrote This On Tuesday But Couldn't Find Any Photos Cos My Photo Phone Was In Ma Locker...I Was Jus Like...

The Swaggest...Video Of The Week

2008-09-25T13:11:00.003+01:00

Nah I Gotta Stop Leaving And All That. But I Swear. I'll Make Up For It. This Vid Will Be The First. On Wednesday, I'll Have Something EXTRAORDINARY Lol. Trust Me Cuzzzzzzzzz
Now Someone Is Gonna Give Me Jap Over Why I Aint Updated[Diana] - Business Meetings, Filming, T4 Frock Me, College..Blah Blah.

But Here's The Vid
ENJOY

The Swaggest.....City

2008-09-21T14:35:00.008+01:00

Ok. SO It Has Been Almost Two Weeks Since I Updated. Its Been A Busy Two Weeks Though. Had Auditions[Which I Got Through!], Had A 3000 Word Essay To Write, And Had Some Open Days.

[BATH IS THE SWAGGEST CITY IN ENGLAND, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS].
The racism was immense. Bus driver tried to run us over WHILST laughing. Two idiots in Burger King Were Chatting Pie, And Some Old Man In A Coffee Shop Was Mumbling DooDoo when we walked past.

ANYWAY. Thats Not What This Post Is Even About. This IS About ''The Swaggest Video Of The Week'' Starring Me! Me N An Anonymous Guy Were In Loughborough For Open Day, And I Took Some Sick Spoonful Of Ice Cream...I Had One Dumb Brain Freeze. But An Anonymous Guy, Being His Bi-sexual Self, Decideds To Start Making Some Odd Noises Whilst I'm Eating....But Yea...Here You Go.

The Swaggest.....Saying

2008-09-09T19:25:00.002+01:00

I Dont Care What ANYONE says
The Swaggest Saying In The World Is
''You Can't Buy Happiness''
Not Only Can You Buy Happiness, But You Can Buy It For £4.88 at Woolworths in Camberly

The Swaggest.....News Reporter

2008-09-06T23:30:00.004+01:00

Oh. My. Gawd.
Ma Cuzzi G2Da3 showed me this video. This news reporter is FAWKD.

This Guy Needs To Work For Sky News, BBC News, Chanel4 news, EveryTHING.

Im Out..This Was A Short One
''Im dying in this f**king country ass f**ked up town''
LOOOOOOOL

The Swaggest....Engagement

2008-09-05T22:32:00.005+01:00

NEWS FRIGGIN FLASH

DANIELLE LLOYD & DJ IRONIK ENGAGED?
I laughed so much a little piss actually came out
Jumped from Teddy Sherringham [Man Utd Legend]
To Fifty [Not Fiddy...Live'rs Understand it]
To DJ I-FRIKKIN-RONIK
j33z...
Just...j33z

Read It Yourself [Click Here]

On That Matter Though. I Still Can't Imagine: MARIAH CAREY AND NICK CANNON
Whats HE Got

That I don't?

[Say money and I'll throw a cat at you]

P.S. My Suit Is better...Be Honest

The Swaggest.....Children Show & Christmas Present

2008-09-05T22:17:00.003+01:00

Aye. Boots is 'Ard.
Look What Someone Bought For Their Mumzie. Not Even Baiting Up Who

Thats FAWKED Mate
Might Back it For Certain people This Year Still...
ANYWAY.
I Was Googling [Like U Do When U Shud Be Doin Economics Work]
And I Found A New Advert For Sesemea Street[However the Heck You Spell It]
Picture The New Tickle Me Elmo...
You Tickle It And It Says

Might Back That Toy If My Child Makes Too Much Noise

The Swaggest.....Christmas Carol

2008-09-03T23:43:00.006+01:00

NIGERIANS.
Thats More Than Needed [Yes, I Know Im Nigerian, So What?]
That Naija Boy Thing Was Hard. But This Is Too Much. But...To Be Honest
If They Came Carolling At My Door Id Crease And Give Them Some Yam.
This Is Still Swag [I Swear To You The Guy In Glasses And The Guy At The End Next To Him Have Beef In The Break]
AND I SWEAR They Have Problems Counting LOL. Watch The Vid. You'll See.

Leave Comments And All That Jazz. Next Video : Touch It Video...LOL. Wait Till You See It, You'll Die

The Swaggest....Introduction!

2008-09-03T23:28:00.004+01:00

Right. Lets Get It Kicking. I [Josh] Spent Summer Working At LIVE Magazine[Below]

And Everyone Is On This Blogging Thing. So I Thought I Might Aswell Make One [After Diana, Lawrence and Juelz Forced Me]. SO Here It Is. The Swaggest Blog Ever.

If Its Swag, Its Here. People, Videos, Games, Etc. Reason Being, Theres Alotta Swag Things Around Here, And They Make Me Laugh. So..Yea..Keep Coming Back. I'll Try To Update Every 3 - 7 Days.