Please acknowledge that this blog is best viewed in Google Chrome. If you're not using it, slap yourself. If you're using Internet Explorer - Slap your mum. Also, when at the end of the page, there is more to read(older posts) so click..'Older Posts'. Have a nice visit :)

Saturday, 14 February 2009

The Swaggest Hunger Fighter

Burger King are BASKETS!
Baskets are tell you!
If you've seen they're new £1.99 advert and the credit crunch is starting to slap you in the face with a wet fish, you may feel like its a good idea to try it out.

DON'T!!
The meal is not worth the ''squilla''

I was mad hungry aswell. I was ready to beat up a cow, go to one them chinese resturants and then throw it on a grill and cook it myself. BUT I HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS?!


The proportions of the food was not equal to the amount spent on the food.


INCASE YOU DO NOT SEE THE PAR, HERE IS THE ZOOMED IN VERSION


But to make things worse, my dear "friends"...

...decided to make a list of food i could've bought with that £2.
We came out with:

4 Chicago Town Pepperoni Pizzas
A bag of 24 nuggest and microwave chips from Iceland
2 pieces of chicken and chips @ Any serious chicken shop
4 wings, chips and a drink
6 wings and chips
2 chicken shop pizza's
The KFC box meal
McFlurry and 2 apple pies
2 Apple pies and a drink
2 Apple pies and a Chicken Mayo
Bare Tesco value jazz
I COULD HAVE BOUGHT POTATO'S AND MINCE TO MAKE THE BURGER AND CHIPS >_<

To make it worse, "my friends" decide to go to the fast food place i hate the most...but had madman meal.



They didn't even allow me a chip.
The feeling I had...words cannot express it...so I had to...


NOPE. FACEPALMING IS NOT THE LICK ANYMORE...I HAVE CREATED















FACEDESK!
Get on the bandwagon, BUT DO NOT BUY THIS MEAL >=[

Sunday, 8 February 2009

The Swaggest Word Verification Part II



AGAIN!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!?!??!
Now Hotmail are trying it!!!

The Swaggest Entertainment

Its official
Entertainment is dead. If not then, in the words of Lil Wayne, "had a heart attack".
But WHO is bringing it back?

if you know me, you know i dont watch the following channels on sky:

Channels 350(except runs house) - 400 [i dunno where the music channels end but you get me]

Why? 'Cos music is all the same.
IS IT JUST ME OR IS MUSIC MORE REPETITIVE?!
Example? Single Ladies.
Shurrup you know i'm right. Then you got all these sub-standard tracks that just repeat the same 4 lines for like 2 minutes.

Lyrics are meaningless
Chorus' are longer than verses.
Verses are like bridges
Hooks are just ooohs and ahhhs

I blame this for starting it off:

LL Cool J - control myself

Zazazazazazazazazazaza my ass.
----------------------------------------------------------

Music outta the way. TV Time. TV SUCKS!
It sucks HARD
I swear it's full of idiotic reality shows. Celeb Big Bro? Shurrup. No one on there is a celebrity. All of them WANT to be celebrities again.
EastEnders is predictable. They're not even killing people anymore.
HollyOaks is straining out its storylines.
I don't look forward to any TV shows, I swear.

Speaking of which however, for all EastEnders watchers. You see on fridays episode[Tiffany's birthday], am I the only person who was waiting for Tony to walk in and be like

"Hello Tiffany...".

Woulda been a better ending than finding out Ricky could be/is her dad. =/
-----------------------------------------------------------

I'm not a cinema guy. We all know it. I don't like paying like £6 for some crap film.

But, cos Samuel L Jackson and Eva Mendez were in it and it was made by the people that made 2 of my favourite films [Sin City & 300], its GOT to be spectacular!











I WAS WRONG. Oh, and my Bloody Valentine 3D sucks too.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Guess Who's Back?



Itsa me........MARIO

Thank you...thank you...Im back in my Redrum...- My Fiat Punto!


Im so ahead, i can't even see you in my rear view!!
SHURRRRRRRRUP!

Exams tok over my life, then celebrating the end of my exams took over the past 4 days and now the cold is beating up my body and my arm is banging from all them snowballs and tackles....But anyway

THis will be a lengthy-ish blog, so sit tight.

First up, My 3rd Favourite Show [1st - Scrubs, 2nd - Smallville] is back!

HEROES!!!
Only online though...UK slacks...Find it here

Anyway. I wanna take the time off my regular 'Swag' stuff to....well, tell you how great it is. No. Really. The first episode was like, KH;ASBGFBGFAKSHFK;SB;ALSJBF?!

Too many questions! Too many comments!

SPOILERS AHEAD!

In fact, highlight the next part 'cos i know there'll be that one douchebag that reads and is angry at me [YES. YOU!]

As you know, Nathan snaked everyone out. The first ep shows the 'Hunter' [BADMAN] tryna get all the people with powers. He's so mad. I swear, the last 5 minutes i was like "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Anyway on to some quick points:

1.Mohinder Is Live. He can control his powers and he isn't ugly[well...LOL]anymore
2.Nathan and Angela Petrelli are on some snakey flex, but Nathan is the devil. Don't care what you say.
3.When I first watched the ep, i said "Peter you never learn...so gullable". BUT WAIT. He lied to Nathan! He knew whats good! Its joke. Peter is like his dad...Kinda. His Power switched up...when he touches people he gains their power[dunno if they keep it too, haven't seen the after-effects yet, or whether he can use them at the same time..or if there's a time limit]
4.THANK GOODNESS. A BEGINNING EPISODE WITH NO TIME TRAVEL!!!!!
5.Parkman is useless. But the producers snaked the original dude who could draw the future and gave Parky the power too =[
6.Claire ISN'T waste anymore. She doesn't even need her healing powers. She's cranked!
7.Sylar ain't being caught by nobody! He's still the friggin boss. #1 Character...He's the only person with proper character development!



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
We interrupt this blog to bring you an advertisement in association with Overly JuCee



Get involved punks!

That is all!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bun face palming....
I've taken it to a new level
When you just read something so STUPID online or whilst near a table....Heck you can do it with an air table!


FACE-DESKING
Get Acquainted!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As people should know [cos i said it previously]
I've been going hard with revision...

I've been baning out supermalt, boost, redbull, rockstar and relentless....



BAD BOY REVISION DRINKS!
I wont lie. I nearly threw up when i saw this.....




GET SOME NAIL CLEANERS. FAIRY LIQUID. SOMETHING!?

Anyway. Hopefully the revision paid off....
But before i leave you. I need SOMETHING in here to call swag or this has been perfectly off topic.

So here's this....I finished my last exam....And they gave our phones back but we were still under exam conditions and bare papers hadn't been given in.
Do you know how easy it was for me to do this?!


P.S...Not all the graffitti on there is by me!


OUT!

Saturday, 3 January 2009

That Swaggest Word Verification

Facebook is a

PAR



Trust me
You know when you try posting links on FB you have to do some word verification to show your not some robot. Fair enough, HOWEVER, it is now taking the mickey.

THEY ARE NOT GIVING ME LEGITIMATE WORDS!
Plog[picture blog] time!

Basically, I tried to send someone [whose Page i have blacked out for privacy] a link to my blog and I got all this nonsense.



If you can tell me that word, I will give you a fiver.



But twice?!?!



Since when were numbers a word?!

I'm off

WTF Moments Part I

First and foremost


HAPPY NEW YEAR

New year, new concepts, new swagness..I wanna say new layout but not yet...
However, HOLLA @ ME!!

------------------------------------------------



Now, I'm gonna try and do these WTF Moments on a regular basis.
For those who don't know what a WTF Moment is, her is a dictionary definition:

What the fuck[wtf] moment [hwot,stressed thee, fuhk, moh-muhnt] adjective:

1. When something that defies all laws of logic takes place. Example:
-Joshua stops eating at KFC

2. When words cannot explain how odd a scenario is. Example:
-You go Soho and don't understand if it is a man or woman

3. When a moment just does not make sense. Example:
-Maddie McCann reappearing

Now, since the year 2000, there have been SO many WTF moments. I want to take a moment to point some of these out!

------------------------------------------------



1. They found Saddam Hussain in a hole, under a mud shack... That's not the full WTF moment. The full part is this:

Soldiers also recovered two AK 47 rifles, $750,000 in $100 denominations and a white and orange taxi in the raid.

A WHITE AND ORANGE TAXI!? What was he doing with a white an orange taxi? I can picture it now

Saddam: Hey guards, I wanna go into town. Visit a few bars, get a few girls over, pop some bottles. *Phone rings* Yea, Osama we'll whip round soonish. Feds are on my tag.

SERIOUSLY!?

------------------------------------------------



2. I dunno if a lot of people know who this woman is. But she made me laugh. Dame Hellen Mirren. She's been in Inkheart..National Treasure... BUT thats not important. She's a dame. Which means she has been knighted or whatever by the Queen. However...


Dame Helen Mirren dabbled with drugs but quit when she learned it was funding the lifestyle of a wanted Nazi war criminal.


A Nazi!? Not just some black guy down the alley. Not some shifty Off license shop. Not some dodgy guy in a bar. A NAZI? Klaus Barbie. His bounty is over $20million. And she has been buying coke from him?! WTF?!

------------------------------------------------



3. This is the last one that I am going to do for this month. You HAVE to watch Saw. Near the end of it. Its. Ri.Dic.U.Lous. Unfortunately I can't put up a clip. So I'll describe it to you.

Im gonna call these people Mr.A and Mr.B. Mr.A tells Mr.B to take his shirt off to reach a tape recorder as he is chained by his leg. [This happened at the beginning of the film.

Now, Mr.A is trying to reach a phone, which is closer to him [but still out of reach] that the tape player for Mr.B at the beginning. I'm sitting there saying TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF AND REACH IT YOU FOOL. Bare struggling and stuff. HOWEVER...he finally takes it off...And he reaches for the phone, picks it up, talks with his wife, says where they are and lives hapilly ever after.........





NOT. The douchebag takes the shirt off, ties it to his leg, bites on one part of it and saws his foot of so he gets off the chain...
WTF?! Tell me, which one woulda made more sense.

Sunday, 28 December 2008

The Swaggest..........WAIT A MINUTE!!!

RIGHT
Stop the presses
Call up BBC, ITV, Channel4, Channel5, E4, EVERYONE

I'm stopping Thatsswag.......







For this post =P
It has come to my attention that certain people don't know how to do certain things. So this post is dedicated to three important things that people need to learn to do..

So here we go!
Thatsswag.blogspot.com's very own ''HOW TO'' guide




•How to host an event

-If you're the host of a show. Don't have some dull voice cos you
just set the tone of the whole event. Especially if you have a time
limit. Wasting time will not get you a refund on your hire fee.

-Why on earth would you rent somewhere and say the event starts at 6 o
clock and you, as the organiser, reach at 8 o clock. Once again you
won't get a refund on your hire fee.

-If you want people to dance do NOT have seats or tables. They WILL
get sat on you waste. If you MUST have seats do NOT under any
circumstance have too many. It will just make the event look 10x
deader. So if it's dead already then you got a major KO.

-If your paying a DJ £500 then you should tell him what type of music
is played. If the music is dead you can't blame the DJ in anyway!

-Remember. If the venue is swag, you KO'ed your own event from the start

-If it's an African event, expect all left overs to be taken. Do not
expect to get a drink or food after the event as the chances are like
0.0000001%


•How to enjoy a shubz

-Certain girls act up infront of cameras like their models. It's a
party not a photoshoot

-Don't pay ten pounds entry to look militant in the corner of the
room. Don't player hate on people dancing either. That's like paying
ten pounds to hate on someones myspace. It don't make sense.

-If you can't handle your drink
Don't drink! Certain people will stamp you out for vomitting on their
top or spilling drink on them

-SKANK. If you can't skank two step. If you can't two step you
shouldve stayed at home.


•How to be an average grade London MC

Disclaimer: Taken From Boondocks - Story Of Gangstalicious



-Get a producer no one has heard of who makes catchy beats. If you
can't so that then : limewire>search>flukes

-If your gonna mc in public then make sure you take atleast 30 people
with you so that they can drown out the boo's

-Make up bars that people can't even hear properly but have easily
recognisable last words.
Example: klsj;agfakl;sjgfaskl;jfg;asjkgfklasgfklsgflkhasg reign, asjkl;jklfasjklfhkajsfhklsjfgkljasgfkljasgfjkla pain, shlakgfwuigrioasjlgfklgaslfashlgfj fame, shakjfaghskfhgalhkgfahkgwriasughfjihasj game

-Come up with a tagname that doesn't make sense. E.g. Tinchy Stryder.
Chipmunk. Devlin. Mojo. [I will cross these names off if you can tell me why they're named that]

-And do not forget, you must always talk alotta smack, like you been pushing drugs since 3, got shot at 7, shot someone at 12, became a drug lord and 15 and are now worth a millie.

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

The Swaggest Event

College Link Up








Click it








If it doesn't work
Ask someone who knows/went to it

Nuff Said

Sunday, 21 December 2008

The Swaggest Morals

Listen though
The world is officially corrupt
THey're now using babies to gain money?

Before i continue...let me explain.
Its the pampers advert. You may have seen it, you may not. But regardless here it is:





Whats swag/corrupt about that?
Go to the ending, like 28/29 seconds, PAUSE, and read the small print.

If you cant see, here it is:


Still dont see?!?!



If you didn't know, 0.047 euro's is equivalent to 0.03p...AND THAT GETS ONE VACCINE!?

The cheapest pack of Pampers is £5.98 according to Sainsburys.co.uk
If they donated all of that money, they'll be able to get 19,933.3 vaccines....

Pampers are MORALLY SWAG!

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

The Swaggest Computer Desk

Trust me
I was NOT gonna update till like, friday
But something happened last night [Monday 15th December 2008] that NEEEDS an advertisement
Listen.........



























My computer desk broke!
And in Jwls fashion, im gonna do a picture blog for this. So its a plog...whatever.


So obviousli, for a while now, my computer desk[from now on called desk] has had a crack in it from 1 time i got vex n jus punched it...


But last night...i dunno wtf happened. I musta pushed to hard on it with my hand or something.... something like so:


So...my desk went from looking like this:


To this:





Im bare switchin cos this is happening at like, 00.45am - 2.00am. i was bare wondering wtf to do. but luckily, i found some next piece of wood [which broke from the desk time ago] and put drill holes on the side and did some carpentry ting, so now it looks like:




-------------------------------------------

What lesson did i learn from all this?


Spinach will give you Popeye strength that can break through all substances

P.S. I have popeye strength, the desk is wolverine wood. Clearly Popeye would DUPPY Wolverine off.
100% FACT

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

The Swaggest Items...And One Not So Swag

-------------------------------------------------
THIS IS A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT
BUN EMA! SCUMBAGS!!!

I HAVE RECEIVED 0 FOR THE PAST 4MONTHS!!!!! AND THEYRE TELLING ME
IM EFFECTIVELY WAITING UNTIL JANUARY? GONNA BE ONE SICK BACKDATE PAYMENT!!!
----------------------------------------------------

Back On Topic!
I'll Keep these short and simple 'cos I've been writing stories lately!

1st Up!
The African Carpet brush which doubles as an 'anonynmous' friends hair brush!



Next in line we have the biggest bottle of Kidney failure you will ever see

Note : The Speaker next to it is the same height as a bedside drawer!![Its Hennessey By The Way]


Last but not least, this generations version of where's wally. We present to you...
WHERE'S BIN LADEN!? [Sold in all good HMV stores...]


I wont lie...it's a good book!

The Swaggest Mum

Not my mum
DONT GET IT TWISTED!

However, this woman is.
Once again, East Ham. Outside Sainsbury's
Her little son, was CRYING for her. Screaming ''MUMMMY''
Rather than picking him up, what did she do?
Walked off smiling. As well as that, rather than picking up her son...she was busy holding.....




A LETTUCE!



Coming To A Newspaper and News Channel Near You
Maddie pt. 2. Was that joke too soon? Ah well, i am not Politically Correct. I am not a P.C
I am a Mac![Apple iTouch really...but meh!]

The Swaggest Clothes

Trust me.
Its Christmas time [which i don't really care for 'cos it isnt REALLY Jesus' birthday..but that story is for another time]
People are going CRAZYYY shopping, and with this VAT cut you save .......a pound!! Alistar Darling pars MY budget.

Still, the one thing people will buy is clothes...thats because they're the cheapest thing
But i draw the line at stripping on MY, i repeat MY 145 Bus!!



Butterz clothes aswell!

Next up
PRIMARK
I have no problem with Primark or its shoppers, unless its the one in East Ham.
I was meant to meet someone there, and whilst waiting i saw these two woman Christmas carroling to get money for charity...

I will repeat that
Two women were Christmas carrolling outside Primark in East Ham


.....
Don't see the problem?
YOUR ASKING FOR MONEY OUTSIDE PRIMARK!!
Its like going into the Pound store and stealing
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Lets play a game
Spot the white person in Primark!



Primark is an Ethnic Par I Swear!


However, i am NOT exempt from this Christmas shopping spree.
Believe i went out to buy one book, came home with all of this:



Saving is swag, put my clothes up in the bag!

The Swaggest Health Regime

I am NOT healthy.
I do SOME exercise, but i am NOT healthy.
HOWEVER
Even by MY standars, the following foods are diabetes in a box/ona plate


Sainsbury's are SCUMBAGS!
First off, the stop making 10 packs of doughnuts
Then i read the box and it tells me that the doughnuts are FROZEN then heated.
Tell me, why is it in the fresh bakery section?!
Then i realised they're trying to kill me.



DO YOU SEE ALL THAT SUGAR ON THE BOTTOM?
If that was cocaine you could DIE!!!!

But...once again I AM NOT HEALTHY
So me making cholestoral sandwiches areb blessed:



DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE LETTUCE. This sandwich had more grease than the bottom of a KFC bargain bucket.

Saturday, 6 December 2008

The Swaggest Update...Maybe?

My Blog Is Crying.
Trust Me...I Haven't Been On For Almost A Month
But bear with me like a panda
i promise i will make it up to you lot over the week...still heres something to feed your appetite



I played my mum Rachel Hylton's X-Factor Audition Video :

Mum -[african accent syle] Oh, she's tryin to sound like Amy Winehead. Where is she now? hospital?
Me - .......................................
Me - IM SORRY. I cant let it go, Did you just say Amy Winehead?!
Mum - Is that not her name?
Sister - No...
Me - Her name is Amy Winehouse
Mum - Okok. But Why is she singing Amy Redwine's song

.................................

Anyway, Onto The Swaggest Town

ROMFORD
I Swear i thought that there was no where worse than Ilford.
I WAS WRONG. Romford is full of clubs, kebab shops, a lidl and a McDonalds.
I go Into McDonalds....AND THEY'RE CHARGING ME £1.80 FOR A FLIPPING MCFLURRY
AND £1 FOR ONE
I REPEAT
ONE!!!
APPLE PIE
WTF!?!??!?!

The Swaggest Safe Sex Convo

It happens to all of us.
The talk
Yes, THE TALK.
I thought i got away with it cos it didnt happen yet.
But my mum gave me the swaggest safe sex talk ever.

It started with her saying something about me lying with a girl or hugging her or whatever...

Mum - Make sure she doesn't get you on a latch
Me - What?
Mum - On latch!
Me - Ok.....I thought she was going to say not to get her pregnant
Sister - Thats what she meant! I understood!
Mum - Exactly! You shouldn't even be doing the deed.
Me - Deed? Say the word!!!
Mum - [African Style] Ah, I have told you before. Even kissing a girl can get her pregnant!
Me & Sister - HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Alot...

Monday, 24 November 2008

The Swaggest Science Experiment

Im doing the video updates first, cos they require less time!
But ona real, check out this science experiment, wish we did this in school. =[

The Swaggest Blog Website

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Blogger.com is a PAR
Every damn time i come to update
IT TELLS ME MY PASSWORD IS INCORRECT
HOW?!
ALLLLL of my passwords are the same
Fudging sons of bannana-hammocks

Anyway, Update Soon Come.
Till then, heres the swaggest health check ANY female can get, Trust Meee Cusss.
[Watch the guy on the left, he looks high on coke and heroin]

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Stop! Random Time!

Ok.
This Is Randomised Products/Pictures I'll never have a whole post for.
So yea...

1st things first, for everyone that doesn't know..
[Written By Hayley[see picture below..........I don't really kill them!]



She's actually iron woman! Coming out in cinema's 2010

Now, you know when you go chicken shops, you expect them fake drinks like Mirinda...But, this jazz isnt even in eglish!

Or even arabic like usual!

The Swaggest Hygiene

BECAUSE There is no other place for me to put this picture, im putting it here at the beginning.



Location : Ilford library mens toilet - Second floor.
YES. I LOOK LIKE SOME FRESH THING OFF THE BOAT. BUT YOU DONT GET IT, THERE WAS PISS ON THE FLOOR, AM I MWAD?!
Notice the tip-toeing, i did not want to touch it AT ALL. Some swag hygiene!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway. I bought some jelly beans [addiction]. And they were peng...till i noticed something odd in one.



You see that black line? Guess what it was....IT WAS NOT A HAIR...It was

A PIECE OF WOOOD. SOMEONE, TELL ME. WTF IS WOOD DOING IN A JELLY BEAN PROCESSOR. SERIOUSLY?!